“I am not addicted to coffee,” I growled as I sipped my favourite Iced Grande Latte, as usual.
But when I repeated this same words to at least three different friends, I came to ask myself, “Are you sure you’re not addicted?”
After deep contemplation, I came to a rough conclusion that “whoever denies he/she is addicted to something or someone, is, in fact, a case of ‘authentic’ addiction.”
Deep inside, we seem to relate addiction to an unfavourable behaviour, some sort of emotional weakness as you have to depend on something or someone to make you feel better, or to get by in this world. It is something to be ashamed of, therefore, it is unacceptable to accept the truth.
The next question is why are we addicted to something or someone?
On reflections, I think in my case, it is because I feel unwholesome, empty, and unfulfilling. Somehow, I seem to relate coffee to the sense of happiness, the expression of freedom. So whenever I drink more than one coffee a day, I will recognise I am in the gloom.
But does coffee help rid my despair or fulfill my heart?
Just temporarily, at least, I enjoy the sense of wholesomeness for a while, and when the cup is empty, here we go again. Vicious circle.
There were also times when I felt I needed nothing to fill me up, and I just passed coffee or anything I am addicted to.
In this light, when we are really wholesome, joyful, happy and fulfilling inside, we do not rely on anything to fill our heart. We are just full and happy.To have or not to have something or someone is not a question. We are totally free!
Now, I investigate further on other addiction habits and sadly I found out I have plenty. For one, I am addicted to the sense of excitement and love in the early stage. Those experiences make my blood fizzing like soda water, which would not last. And in the end, I feel sad and alone.
Taking the coffee addiction story as a clue, I guess, I may have to cultivate the sense of wholesomeness and fulfillment from inside. I need to learn to feel and be full, fully content about my being. Then, I will no longer addicted to any sensations, especially, love at the early stage.
Eventually, I will be free!
Do you have any addictions? What do you do with them?